I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
