If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We left the knife in your bed.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
