My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
