apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize