My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
