The maid of honor just puked.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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