they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
