I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize