the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
