She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
