he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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