You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Too much gin, very little bucket
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize