have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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