the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
