Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
