i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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