I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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