I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
