wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
