Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
