the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
