He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
A bitchslap is in order.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
