My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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