he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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