I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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