I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
