he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
