I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
