I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
