Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
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