Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
