i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
