the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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