i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
