Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
