she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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