can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I want a musical about memes.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
