Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
