Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
