So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize