did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
