As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
