yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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