wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize