I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
