FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
