oh god the rape fog is back!
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
