There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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