The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
