Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
