just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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