My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
