what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
