I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize