So drunk its hurt
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
