I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
