I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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