3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
