apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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