Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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