Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
