He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
