According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
