I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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