I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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