Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
