UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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