i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
