Where are you?
In a non slutty way
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Randomize
