I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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