she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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