I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
