I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
