So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Randomize
