I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize