im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
