Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
