if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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