I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
