feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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