Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
