lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
