i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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