Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
