Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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