i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
