ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
