I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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