Kareoke will never be a sober sport
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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