I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
