I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
