Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
