fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
