In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
