The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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