Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
