TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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