Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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