I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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