nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
