Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
