Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
