I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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