I heard we made out
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
