There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
