sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
