He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We're too hungover to prance.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
