Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
it's like iHOP with fire
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
