in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
