Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
