this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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