mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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