I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
